where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
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My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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