Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
