sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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