I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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