If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
