some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
