I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
