Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
