I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize