i love accidental penises.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
