THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
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Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize