WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
