I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
