That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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