Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
