my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
