there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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