it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
