My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
