Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
