I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
