Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
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