i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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Did I show you my penis last night?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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