Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
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do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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