oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?