____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.