Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(502): View more from Kentucky

We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.

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(502): We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married. http://tfl.nu/ivvd

Replies (1) Good night (1657) Bad night (501)
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(502): View more from Kentucky

Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.

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(502): Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall. http://tfl.nu/wfv4

Replies (6) Good night (930) Bad night (2950)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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(330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4

Replies (15) Good night (3599) Bad night (875)
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(314): View more from Missouri

He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?

(1-314): View more from Missouri

No. Take one for the team.

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(314): He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed? (1-314): No. Take one for the team. http://tfl.nu/7euo

Replies (19) Good night (1178) Bad night (4000)
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(507): View more from Minnesota

I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.

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(507): I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is. http://tfl.nu/v0y7

Replies (9) Good night (916) Bad night (2648)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.

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(630): He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding. http://tfl.nu/mxqh

Replies (1) Good night (1255) Bad night (2515)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.

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(919): Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice. http://tfl.nu/je3x

Replies (5) Good night (3010) Bad night (792)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Bad breakup?

(1-410): View more from Maryland

He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.

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(410): Bad breakup? (1-410): He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB. http://tfl.nu/4dsn

Replies (54) Good night (1350) Bad night (6309)
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(585): View more from New York

N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.

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(585): N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete. http://tfl.nu/tsau

Replies (8) Good night (2394) Bad night (502)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists

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(215): An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists http://tfl.nu/ypfg

Replies (4) Good night (597) Bad night (374)
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(312): View more from Illinois

I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights

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(312): I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights http://tfl.nu/amvj

Replies (5) Good night (969) Bad night (364)
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(760): View more from California

He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....

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(760): He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch.... http://tfl.nu/h307

Replies (1) Good night (703) Bad night (322)
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(229): View more from Georgia

I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.

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(229): I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win. http://tfl.nu/j7rq

Replies (1) Good night (642) Bad night (258)
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(714): View more from California

Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.

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(714): Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow. http://tfl.nu/n1sj

Replies (2) Good night (661) Bad night (360)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?

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(248): Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid? http://tfl.nu/bnow

Replies (0) Good night (421) Bad night (344)

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