I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
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Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?