i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
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Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.