every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
