She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.