Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you

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(917): i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you http://tfl.nu/qry0

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(718): View more from New York

we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.

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(718): we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love. http://tfl.nu/cgcu

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(571): View more from Virginia

She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.

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(571): She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/q72a

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(443): View more from Maryland

My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden

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(443): My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden http://tfl.nu/by6o

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(813): View more from Florida

Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.

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(813): Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator. http://tfl.nu/65uw

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.

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(610): I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse. http://tfl.nu/qk0b

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(404): View more from Georgia

The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant

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(404): The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant http://tfl.nu/hmmb

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.

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(405): Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment. http://tfl.nu/t7rb

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(254): View more from Texas

Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."

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(254): Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen." http://tfl.nu/2yxx

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(919): View more from North Carolina

It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.

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(919): It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed. http://tfl.nu/521h

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(607): View more from New York

I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!

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(607): I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud! http://tfl.nu/toc7

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.

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(570): Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least. http://tfl.nu/etpi

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(309): View more from Illinois

Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.

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(309): Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash. http://tfl.nu/otoe

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(440): View more from Ohio

I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog

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(440): I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog http://tfl.nu/oyfd

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on

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(508): he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on http://tfl.nu/t183

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