Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry tiiinna hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.

(301): View more from Maryland

but she's really nice

Fav 3 1387 765
share tweet
(360): View more from Washington

I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.

Fav 30 4821 1870
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?

Fav 16 1466 5534
share tweet
(609): View more from New Jersey

I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied

Fav 18 1309 4485
share tweet
(954): View more from Florida

I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.

Fav 8 2876 1693
share tweet
(619): View more from California

why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu

Fav 6 2068 1551
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(+31): View more from The Netherlands

Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes

Fav 6 1208 3973
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(206): View more from Washington

I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.

Fav 5 693 1140
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(617): View more from Massachusetts

She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.

Fav 4 847 558
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT