Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
