I think I died a long time ago.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Randomize
