Plan B is the new Plan A
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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