Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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