I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
