It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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