Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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