Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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