My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
