i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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