Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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