I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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