life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
