Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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