Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
