There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
