You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
