he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
