last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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