cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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