remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
