never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
