You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
