if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
