if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
