honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
