I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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