I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
