told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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