xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
