there was a trapeze. enough said
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
