Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
