My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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