You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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