I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
