Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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