If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
