break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
