Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
