She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
